How Does A Divorce Affect Your Child’s Adult Relationships?

At our online divorce review site, we like to stay plugged in to changing perceptions of divorce, particularly with how it relates to children of divorce.

Most researchers are in agreement that when Mom and Dad get a divorce, it has a significant impact on the child’s life going all the way into adulthood. Since a child has no other close models for how married people are to treat one another, they put a great deal in their parents’ ability (or inability) to get along. That follows them, and now Tara Eisenhard of DivorcedMoms.com has shed more light on the specifics.

Eisenhard, in a piece entitled, “5 Ways My Parents’ Divorce Affected My Adult Relationships,” had this to say.

• I’m OK with divorce.
• I think of divorce as a shared goal.
• I believe that families should evolve, not dissolve, through the process.
• I’m acutely aware of my personal health in relationships.
• When I consider new partners, I think about how what it would be like to separate from them.

Of these five points, the last one really stands out. “I think the end of a relationship is an act of teamwork. Therefore, I don’t want to get involved with anyone who wouldn’t work with me through that process if necessary. I’ve no interest in men who’ve indulged in dirty divorce tricks, nor those who are adamantly against divorce.”

This is a bit of a controversial view, but it’s not fair to tell Eisenhard she’s right or wrong for feeling this way, given her experience. However, it does make one think how this is any different from asking a potential spouse to consider signing a prenuptial agreement.

There is a resigned sense of negativity in the outlook that makes it very difficult for someone who wants marriage for life to be interested in Eisenhard. To validate this view, one would have to consider changing the perception of traditional marriage. For all intensive purposes, the goal of the traditionally married has been to get together, stay together, and die together. Eisenhard’s view turns that on its head and sets a general expectation of failure, unless you redefine the word.

At that point, some might ask, what’s the point in getting married when you could just live together?

To those of you who are here checking out our online divorce reviews, we ask the question: do you see anything wrong with Eisenhard’s take on marriage being predisposed to expendability?